Spiritual Growth is a process from selfish dependency to kingdom responsibility.

From Dependence to Responsibility

Discipleship is not a program to complete; it is a process to be lived. Scripture consistently reveals that God forms His people over time, meeting them where they are while steadily calling them forward. Just as physical maturity unfolds in stages, spiritual maturity does as well. Recognizing these stages helps leaders disciple with wisdom, patience, and love—offering what is most needed now rather than what seems most pressing.

Below is a simple, biblical framework for understanding discipleship as a developmental journey: Infant, Child, Young Adult, and Parent. Each stage carries defining attributes, a core spiritual need, and clear biblical tensions that shape formation.

1. The Infant Stage: Learning to Be Loved

AttributesSpiritual infants are dependent, needy, fearful, and hungry. They require constant care and attention and are primarily in a posture of receiving. Like a newborn, they are taking everything in but lack discernment and strength.

Core Need: LoveAt this stage, the primary question is not What should I do? but Am I safe? Am I loved? Disciples must first be grounded in the unwavering love of God before they can grow in obedience or responsibility.

Biblical TensionScripture contrasts being “compelled by fear” with being compelled by love. Paul reminds us, “Christ’s love compels us” (2 Cor. 5:14). Saul’s fear-driven leadership stands in stark contrast to David’s shepherd-hearted posture—secure in God’s affection rather than human approval.

Discipleship Focus

• Assurance of salvation

• God’s character as loving Father

• Belonging before behaving

  
  

Infants don’t need pressure; they need presence.

2. The Child Stage: Learning to Be Guided

AttributesSpiritual children are curious, energetic, and often demanding. They push limits, test boundaries, and are eager to learn—yet still naïve and prone to foolishness. Independence is emerging, but wisdom has not yet caught up.

Core Need: GuidanceChildren need loving authority and clear boundaries. Without guidance, curiosity turns into confusion and freedom into self-rule.

Biblical TensionGod reminds Israel, “Man does not live by bread alone” (Deut. 8:3), while Judges describes a generation where “everyone did what was right in his own eyes” (Judg. 21:25). Even Satan quotes Scripture in Matthew 4—but without submission to God’s will. Knowledge without guidance is dangerous.

Discipleship Focus

• Learning obedience as trust

• Understanding Scripture within submission

• Practicing spiritual disciplines with structure

  
  

Children don’t need control; they need clarity.

3. The Young Adult Stage: Learning to Live on Purpose

AttributesYoung adults are passionate, driven, and questioning. They are gaining independence, often ahead of wisdom, and are deeply aware of approval—both seeking it and rebelling against it. They want their lives to matter.

Core Need: PurposeThe central question becomes: Why am I here? This stage is about aligning passion with calling and ambition with obedience.

Biblical TensionPaul contrasts being “led by the Spirit” with gratifying the desires of the flesh (Gal. 5:16–18). Israel’s demand for a king “like the nations” (1 Sam. 8) reveals the danger of choosing cultural legitimacy over divine purpose.

Discipleship Focus

• Discerning calling and gifts

• Submitting ambition to the Spirit

• Learning to follow before leading

Young adults don’t need pressure; they need vision.

4. The Parent Stage: Learning to Take Responsibility

AttributesSpiritual parents take ownership. They choose others over self, guide rather than control, and embrace the ongoing death of self for the sake of fruitfulness. Their concern shifts from personal growth to generational impact.

Core Need: ResponsibilityMaturity is marked by stewardship—of people, truth, and mission. Parents ask, Who am I responsible for, and how will I help them grow?

Biblical TensionJesus warns against authority detached from love: “The rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them… Not so with you” (Matt. 20:25–26). Authority in the Kingdom is exercised through service. The Great Commission reinforces this calling: “Teach them to obey everything I have commanded you” (Matt. 28).

Discipleship Focus

• Multiplying disciples

• Leading through service

• Releasing others, not controlling outcomes

Parents don’t need recognition; they need faithfulness.

Why This Matters for the Church

Many frustrations in discipleship come from mismatched expectations—treating infants like parents, or parents like children. Healthy formation requires discernment:

What stage is this person in, and what do they need most right now?

Jesus never rushed the process. He loved, guided, commissioned, and entrusted His followers over time. When the church mirrors this patient, Spirit-led pathway, disciples grow not only in knowledge—but in Christlike maturity.

Discipleship works best when we honor the process God designed and trust Him with the pace.

Key Tensions to manage with each Stage

The Tensions That Shape Growth

At every stage of discipleship, growth happens in a tension—a pull between two ways of living. These tensions are not problems to eliminate but invitations to mature. How a disciple responds to these tensions often reveals where they are in the process and what God is forming in them.

Infant: Guided by God’s Love vs. Driven by Fear

Core Need: Know God’s loveKey Question: Do you know His love?

Spiritual infancy is marked by fear—fear of punishment, rejection, abandonment, or failure. God’s work at this stage is to replace fear with love. When love is not yet rooted, fear becomes the primary motivator for obedience. John writes, “Perfect love drives out fear” (1 John 4:18). Until that love is known—not just believed, but experienced—disciples will struggle to trust God’s heart. Growth begins when obedience flows from love rather than anxiety.

Child: Knowing God’s Word vs. Following the World

Core Need: Find guidanceKey Question: What does God’s Word say?

Spiritual children are forming their values. They are learning whose voice to trust. The tension here is between God’s revealed truth and the loud, persuasive narratives of the world.

Children may know Scripture but still default to cultural wisdom, peer influence, or personal preference. Discipleship at this stage helps them submit to God’s Word as authority—not just information—learning that guidance flows from truth, not popularity.

Young Adult: Led by the Spirit vs. Self-Rule

Core Need: Discover purposeKey Question: How is God leading you?

Young adults feel the pull of independence. The danger is not passion but autonomy—living self-directed lives while occasionally asking God to bless the outcome.

Paul contrasts life “led by the Spirit” with life driven by the flesh (Gal. 5). This tension exposes whether purpose is being discerned through surrender or seized through ambition. Maturity grows as desires are brought under the Spirit’s leadership.

Parent: Walking in Authority vs. Passivity or Control

Core Need: Take responsibilityKey Question: Who is God calling you to impact?

Spiritual parents carry authority—but authority shaped by love and service. The tension here is subtle: passivity that avoids responsibility, or control that manipulates outcomes.

Jesus redefines authority as service, warning against leadership that “lords it over” others (Matt. 20:25–26). True spiritual authority releases, empowers, and multiplies others rather than centering on self.

Reading the Tensions Well

These tensions serve as diagnostic tools for discipleship. When we listen carefully to the questions people are asking—and the fears or desires beneath them—we can better discern how to walk with them. Healthy discipleship doesn’t rush people through stages. It helps them faithfully engage the tensions that God is using to form Christ in them.